I’ve Got My Eyes On You

I believe everybody, particularly if you’ve been closely involved in a youth or other church group, has that person or two they look up to and aspire to learn from.  Tell me if it’s just me but I think our brains are programmed towards this ‘Love at First Sight’ ordeal.  Do you believe in love at first sight?  I personally don’t but I do think when we see the right friend or significant other it clicks.  You don’t fall in love or become best friends with someone overnight, but we have our sight set and begin drawing ourselves in, opening the door.

Like any other relationship, friendships take trust and humiliation.  When the buzzer goes off we just know that it’s the right person.  We then spend so much time wondering if they also want to be friends with us and we stress over whether of not we should open up to them.

I typically sit around and wait for them to open up to me, being ignorant to the fact that that’s not the way it works.  I’ve learned that sometimes you have to be the first one to throw yourself out there.  Some people may be scared of commitments and this can make it difficult to open up and share with one another because it’s such a strong two way road.  Although not always successful, you can be sure to grow yourself as well as possibly with someone else in the long run.

On the other side of things I’ve also realized that just as we keep our eyes on others, it works the same way back at us.  I’ve learned to always keep my eyes open as there may be others out there willing to open up to me and confide with.  Accountability is such a strong force it can not be matched.  Basically what I’m trying to say is keep your eyes open, open up to others, and be willing to be used in turn for others.

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When love tears you apart.

You’ve been trying to help your friend out of a pit that they have been stuck in but they’ve become resistant.  They can’t see the trouble they’ve gotten themselves and others into and don’t know what’s best for them.  You either have to make it clear that you don’t agree with their decisions, and possibly loose them, or back off and let them learn by themselves.  What do you do?  This is how I learned that if you love something, you really do have to let it go.

Step back a couple months and I’ve got the perfect little life.  I have a job,  car, better friends than I could ask for, and a bright positive future that’s about to be altered more than I had maybe imagined.  The thought of college was beautiful but I didn’t realize all the things that would happen leading up to the move.  I love college, don’t get me wrong, but the series of events was quite… unfortunate.

I had lost friends throughout my path of eighteen years but had yet to loose someone that was once so close to me.  Our friendship didn’t last over half a year but it’s crazy how much you can learn about and grow with somebody.  When faced with the decision to either help or let be, I chose to help – or so I thought.

It’s crazy how different looking from the outside in things can be.  I could see the problem, it needed to be fixed, and I tried to help only to be chewed up and spit out.  One might say you should mind your own business but is this how we should behave toward friends?  Should we watch them fall regardless of what they tripped on or should we stand up and carry them through it.

Long story short, and also painful, I’ve learned that above all it’s important to do what is right.  It’s important to stand up to your friends and tell them what you really want to say.  You shouldn’t hold back, or let loose as that just leaves room for wrong.  I’ve seen friendships fall apart and relationships crumble.  Standing beside the pile of ashes I see the bigger picture.  There’s no resurrection here, no gluing the picture back together, but there is love; love with no bounds nor mercy.  If you truly love something, you’d rather let it go than stand and watch.

It’s been so long.

I’m nearing a month into school and all I can say is wow, I couldn’t ask for a more perfect place to be right now. I’ve already made some great friends and learned a lot about living on my own. School can be overwhelming but I still haven’t gone a day without seeing how beautiful life really is. Managing my schedule may get a bit frustrating but I love having the power to control my do’s and don’ts.

I bought a hammock soon after moving in to school and I can’t even describe in words how much that purchase was worth.  Every day I lay in it the day seems more perfect than the one before.  It never ceases to amaze me the awe of nature.  Overcast days show the perfect glimpse of winter and the sweltering heat is like a new breath of life.  There’s no better way to just relax and think about life than this.

Labor day weekend I went home, of course, and I expected to just sit around and be bored but that was certainly not what happened.  I ended up meeting with various friends throughout the weekend and I couldn’t ask for a better time.  It was actually awesome seeing people again and it made me realize how much I really miss them.  Although I love it where I am, it was nice to see everyone going about their lives, in a good way, and seeing their change.

In conclusion, if you’re a fellow college student I hope you’re enjoying your new place as much as I and that you remember to keep in contact with those you ‘left behind.’  As for everybody else, sorry it’s been so long!  I could have sworn I posted something last week but it seems that’s a lie.  I’ll try to be a bit more present now that I’m settled in.

A New Beginning

So today I’ve been packing and tomorrow marks my first day at college. I’ll be getting up quite early to get in the car and drive down to where I’ll be spending the next 9 months or so. I can hardly wait and I’ve been anxious about it since before I graduated. I’m glad the time has finally come but goodbyes can be hard and even harder when you don’t have the chance for that. One friend in particular I spent a lot of time thinking about and trying to set up a time to meet up to get things right and say bye before I leave but, stubborn as he is, that doesn’t look like it’ll happen. It’s tough because I want nothing more than to fix the relationships I have here because I know it’ll be near impossible after I’m gone. I’m glad my time has come to move on and I guess it feels good that there really isn’t anyone all that important in my life that I’m leaving behind right now. Can’t wait to start new with all different people and fresh experiences. Let the ride begin, no matter how bumpy it may get.

Wandering Minds

Life can get tiring quickly, and boring easily; even in the summer. With plenty of time in between high school and college, I had a few things planned out to keep me occupied. June was a busy month, infested with multiple trips with friends and family, but now that July has hit I’m struck with boredom. Most days I dread going to work, but recently I’ve realized what a blessing it really can be. I don’t know if anyone reading this feels the same way as I, but when I’m at home alone, I can’t keep my mind busy for long enough to not think – that’s usually why I end up on here writing posts (many of which never even get posted). When I have something on my mind, whether it be a tough time a friend of mine is going through, or what I’m dreading to do the next day, I can’t get it out. I can sit, stand, walk around, or lie down for hours and think endlessly. My mind wanders and this is never a good thing. I begin to think of a multitude of other things to feel down about. I always end up feeling bad for myself, as well as others. I lose confidence in myself as a friend and doubt the relationships I have.

Recently, when I’ve walked into work, I’ve acknowledged how much of a better mood I am in there. It’s like another world where I can just leave everything else behind and act joyful with customers and coworkers. When I see this in myself I wonder why I can’t always be that way. Why can’t I always be happy, ready to do whatever is needed of me. Before I go to bed I often pray, listen to Christian music, and thank God for everything he’s done in my life (he’s changed my life so much). When I do this I feel so good and confident in myself. I feel as though I can make a difference in this world and in my friends. As times have changed I’ve growing closer and closer to my move in date to college and I can hardly wait. An entire fresh start just waiting for me to take advantage of! How amazing is that. Well this post pretty much did a 360 so I’ll end it with this: Take a second out of your frustration and take in all that you have, and all of the tough times you’ve been through thus far. After looking at this the problem at hand will more than likely look like a joke, a waste of time which you could spend rejoicing in your life.

When Friends Drift Apart

Have you ever been good friends with someone and as time passes you seem to drift apart or it feels as though they are pulling away? Most friendships aren’t meant to last forever but it can still be frustrating when you can see the end closer than you had once hoped. When faced with this dilemma, I find myself contemplating whether they have purposefully abandoned me, or if it was a sheer accident. For a long time I almost wanted them to have simply forgotten about me in the rush of life and all it’s complexities, rather than purposefully ditching me. I have now realized that I should look at it in exactly the opposite light.

People like to feel wanted, and obviously don’t like being left out or purposefully abandoned, but after you actually step back and look at the two paths, you can see what I finally saw. When one is purposefully avoided, abandoned, and ditched, it takes a good deal of work from the x-friend. They now have to replace you with someone else, and start from square one in a fresh relationship. On the other hand when someone forgets about you and you feel as though drifting is happening between you, they have already made countless unconcsious decisions that they no longer need you, and they probably already have other people in their life that have completely replaced you (hence why they forgot about you). They haven’t taken the time to realize how much they mean to you, and are just fixated on the fact that they no longer need you – you’re like an old Tupperware container thrown in the garbage after adequate use. These types of people hop from friend to friend looking for a thrill and something new. Not a very good investment of your time and energy.

Now what do you think: Would you rather be ditched, or forgotten?

Best friend vs. Girlfriend

Hanging out with a girl that you’re not in a relationship with can be complicated, and sometimes even awkward. When one of you are in a relationship it can even come off as fishy to a third party, especially when the girl’s boyfriend happens to be your best friend. There are many things that I think are important in a friendship, one of the major ones being trust. Now, if we switched viewpoints and I was the girl’s boyfriend and he was hanging out with her, I guess I can’t blame him for this, but friends, not to mention best friends, should be able trust each other with and for anything. This got me thinking enough to make me write this post.

I can see why I wouldn’t want my girlfriend hanging out with a friend of mine, and I think the main reasons for that are simply because I don’t know what they’re talking about (likely about me) and perhaps I’d be a bit envious because I’m not there to hang out with her instead. What should you do when you’re friends with someone, and don’t want to hurt another friendship, but don’t want to abandon this one either? Whose right, and whose wrong? I began to see flaws in both of our views and no real way to fix the problem. After a long period of reflecting on both points of view I came to a conclusion.

I decided that neither of us were right, and pin-pointed the grey area. I could see that he was amiss for not wanting us to hang out, because he clearly wasn’t trusting at least one of us and didn’t respect the fact that we’re friends regardless of their relationship. I could also see that if I’d continued what I was doing, hanging out with her, then I’m just pushing his boundaries and tearing our relationship apart rather than building it up since I now know how he feels about everything. I haven’t found a good compromise for this and I’m not sure if that would suffice either. The word compromise is to basically find a settlement where both parties feel ‘discomfort’ and really leaves no one overly happy.

Since I value trust more than anything I guess you could say I plan on continuing going about things how I always have and see where the path takes me. Perhaps, but hopefully not, I’ll end up at a rough patch; but in the end I’ll simply come out stronger than before. If you have any suggestions or comments feel free to leave them below – thanks!