Have you ever been good friends with someone and as time passes you seem to drift apart or it feels as though they are pulling away? Most friendships aren’t meant to last forever but it can still be frustrating when you can see the end closer than you had once hoped. When faced with this dilemma, I find myself contemplating whether they have purposefully abandoned me, or if it was a sheer accident. For a long time I almost wanted them to have simply forgotten about me in the rush of life and all it’s complexities, rather than purposefully ditching me. I have now realized that I should look at it in exactly the opposite light.
People like to feel wanted, and obviously don’t like being left out or purposefully abandoned, but after you actually step back and look at the two paths, you can see what I finally saw. When one is purposefully avoided, abandoned, and ditched, it takes a good deal of work from the x-friend. They now have to replace you with someone else, and start from square one in a fresh relationship. On the other hand when someone forgets about you and you feel as though drifting is happening between you, they have already made countless unconcsious decisions that they no longer need you, and they probably already have other people in their life that have completely replaced you (hence why they forgot about you). They haven’t taken the time to realize how much they mean to you, and are just fixated on the fact that they no longer need you – you’re like an old Tupperware container thrown in the garbage after adequate use. These types of people hop from friend to friend looking for a thrill and something new. Not a very good investment of your time and energy.
Now what do you think: Would you rather be ditched, or forgotten?
Hanging out with a girl that you’re not in a relationship with can be complicated, and sometimes even awkward. When one of you are in a relationship it can even come off as fishy to a third party, especially when the girl’s boyfriend happens to be your best friend. There are many things that I think are important in a friendship, one of the major ones being trust. Now, if we switched viewpoints and I was the girl’s boyfriend and he was hanging out with her, I guess I can’t blame him for this, but friends, not to mention best friends, should be able trust each other with and for anything. This got me thinking enough to make me write this post.
I can see why I wouldn’t want my girlfriend hanging out with a friend of mine, and I think the main reasons for that are simply because I don’t know what they’re talking about (likely about me) and perhaps I’d be a bit envious because I’m not there to hang out with her instead. What should you do when you’re friends with someone, and don’t want to hurt another friendship, but don’t want to abandon this one either? Whose right, and whose wrong? I began to see flaws in both of our views and no real way to fix the problem. After a long period of reflecting on both points of view I came to a conclusion.
I decided that neither of us were right, and pin-pointed the grey area. I could see that he was amiss for not wanting us to hang out, because he clearly wasn’t trusting at least one of us and didn’t respect the fact that we’re friends regardless of their relationship. I could also see that if I’d continued what I was doing, hanging out with her, then I’m just pushing his boundaries and tearing our relationship apart rather than building it up since I now know how he feels about everything. I haven’t found a good compromise for this and I’m not sure if that would suffice either. The word compromise is to basically find a settlement where both parties feel ‘discomfort’ and really leaves no one overly happy.
Since I value trust more than anything I guess you could say I plan on continuing going about things how I always have and see where the path takes me. Perhaps, but hopefully not, I’ll end up at a rough patch; but in the end I’ll simply come out stronger than before. If you have any suggestions or comments feel free to leave them below – thanks!
So, you guessed it, I’m going on my first cruise. We leave port Monday but we have to drive down there on Sunday. I’ve never done anything like this so it will definitely be something different. I’m pretty excited I guess but I don’t know what to expect. All I can picture right now is eating a lot of food and tanning. At first I thought I’d be at the pool a lot but I’ve been informed that cruise ship pools aren’t really all that large – what a let down. It should still be fun and interesting though. I wish cruise ships let you use your phone and internet for free, that’s probably the biggest thing I’ll miss because all I’ll be doing is relaxing and I typically do that through my computer, hanging out, with or talking to my friends. Pretty much this is farewell until next Saturday sometime. I’ll definitely have to at least write a post about the experience. Maybe even a picture or two (I know, switching it up a little!). Have a good week world!