I’ve never felt this pitiful before. My friends are disappointing me, I don’t know how to fix it, and I know I’m doing nothing to improve the situation. I’m so lost in my life and I don’t know what the next corner will hold. I’m turning quickly but I’m not sure if I’m in the right or wrong. At this point, it doesn’t really matter though. I feel the urge to leave everyone behind and take up some new friends but I know that would hurt a lot of people and that running away doesn’t solve anything. I’m playing people like they’re my friends yet while I’m alone I don’t feel a connection at all. I have two close friends and those which I once considered close haven’t proved anything to me. I’ve tried reaching out, it didn’t help. I’ve tried being the friend I want to have, still no change. I don’t know what’s next and I’m scared where this will lead me.
My faith is at an all time low. After a high bounce I’m falling at incredible speeds. Just hours ago I would have raved about the high but oh how things have changed. I know before the healing comes the pain so I have hopes this will all turn around.
Truth behind the Lost
The infamous question that I see girls asking all over the internet: “What do guys really do when they hang out with their friends?” For some reason girls tend to baffle over the idea of guys hanging out and conversing. I think the reason for this is that guys tend to keep these interactions private. You wont find a photo album on Facebook to show what happened the whole night, you wont hear gossip for the next week about who said what, and you won’t be invited to tag along. So let’s begin answering the question that tends to nag people.
Did that headline catch your eye? Well that’s how I view random snow days or other ‘severe’ weather days. Why people get excited is beyond my knowledge because what are you going to do with a snowed/iced out day? Sit at home, watch tv, sit on the computer. Which sounds more fun: that or hanging out with friends, maybe going on a weekend trip, or relaxing. Instead I get to wake up at 6 am to check the weather website to see if school is in fact cancelled and then go back to sleep (if I can) and waste the day away regaining my rest. Then I wake up around the time I could have already been home and I get to resume my day while being locked in my house with no where to go. If school is closed for a good reason then that means I obviously won’t be able to drive anywhere or have fun. This just dooms me for a depressing day of sitting in my room and doing nothing. Thanks weather, I look forward to tomorrow.
So as you can see on the right hand side, I am now officially single. I’ve been waiting for this for a while and I’ve put a lot of thought into this decision. You probably would have expected this if you had read my last post here but figured I’d tell everyone anyway. So far everyone that doesn’t know me really well keeps saying that this was a bad decision, they’ve all been saying that she was perfect for me and that I’ll never get anyone better. She had the looks but the thing is looks aren’t everything. She was fun to be with as well but it’s hard to have fun when you’re constantly getting frustrated about every little thing. In the end I know I’ve made the right decision and now I just hope I don’t fall for every girl like I have in the past. The break up was mutual as she agreed with what I had to say and I’m sure we will remain friends. Great clean start to 2011 with high hopes!
I’ve applied to three colleges and I’m eager to hear their responses. I’m not sure when I’ll find out but I’m sure it’s a long ways away (a matter of months). There is only one college I’m actually interested in and it’s not a hard college to get into but all I can think of are the stories from people that were rejected from various colleges for no reason at all except being unlucky. I’m pretty sure of where I want to go and I know some friends there so I can hardly wait! This being my last semester I can practically see myself moving out right now. My classes are easier than ever with just one academic (Econ/Gov) so I know this semester will go by fast. I know I’m rushing everything but I guess I should probably step back and enjoy this semester and all it has to offer. After all, I wont have it this easy for a while – If ever.
I’m not sure if I sound like a girl here in the post but I just need to get some stuff out there, ‘food for thought’ I suppose? It’s probably going to be really long but if you do happen to get through it and give me some feedback that’d be pretty cool. So my best friend happens to be a girl (not that it matters, right?) and we’ve known each other pretty well for the past 2 years. It started out that she was a friend of a future girlfriend and as different events passed she became my closest friend. I relied on her to be able to talk to her about problems with girls (various ones) and such. She was my inside girl that helped me realize what girls were thinking and she was always there for me when I needed her. She later started liking me and I had to tell her no because there was no way I was going to give up her friendship for a relationship. I just couldn’t risk it.
It’s a new year and I’m tired as hell. It’s 9 PM where I am and I haven’t slept in over 36 hours, not including my hour and a half nap at 4 AM. I had a good new years eve and I can’t wait to get this year rolling. This year I’ll graduate. This year I’ll enroll in college. This year I can finally start fresh with new friends and a new attitude. I’m not one for resolutions but these are hardly that. I hope 2011 can be all it was made to be and more, I hope to spend my time enjoying life and learning something new everyday. I hope I can grow closer to my current friends and make some more strong friends in college. I know a lot of things have happened in the past twelve months and I can’t imagine all that could happen in the next. Bring it on 2011 and lets do this ‘thang’.
All that has happened in the past twelve months, no particular order: Continue reading