Reflecting on my first year of college.

I just got back from my first year of college and I still remember the countdown  and the excited/exhaused post I wrote the night before I moved away.  I feel the need now, to reflect on the past year away.  I’m not going to say life’s been perfect, because it’s been a rough journey but, I do think I’ve made a lot of awesome friends that I sincerely hope to only grow closer to next year.  It’s weird being at home and I feel like half of my friends are strangers.  I feel out of place but when I think about it, that’s probably a good thing.  I’ve really been enjoying myself and there are some regrets I have and people I wish I had reached out to but all good things take time.

I’m really excited about my classes next year and I’m hoping all you enrolled freshmen out there are also excited for your chance to shine.  Moving away from your parents definitely has an impact on who you are and I’ve seen a lot of my friends drift away and become strangers at school.  Before I left I wrote in my journal to just remind myself who I am and who I want to be at school.  If you want to change, that’s fine.  But if you want to stay true to yourself you better make that commitment before you leave.

All in all college is great and it is undoubtedly the best years of my life so far.   Perhaps forever (but let’s hope not).

Girls fight. Guys shut out.

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted.  I’ve noticed y’all really enjoy my “What do guys do when they ‘hang out’?” post so I decided to do another one of those dynamical posts.  If y’all have anything else y’all wonder feel free to post a comment and I’ll (probably) do it for you.  Please don’t get offended when I group all girls into one group.  I realize not all girls are like this and I don’t mean this post to offend anyone.

Usually when girls fight they bicker and talk about each other and it’s really obvious that they’re in a fight or at least not very happy with each other.  Guys, particularly close ones, behave differently.  I’m not sure why we act differently, don’t know why we’re socialized the way we are but when we’re upset we don’t fight, talk about each other, or make it obvious in any way.  You may be thinking ‘wow! that’s great..’ but if you know what I’m talking about you know it’s much worse.

One way it can be worse is you never know what they’re thinking.  When girls get over their fight (whenever that happens) it’s obvious.  They stop sticking their noses up at each other and just get along.  Sure, the relationship might not be perfect but it’s do-able and progress is underway. When guys fight, however, it’s hard to tell if one of them is over it or if they’re still upset.  This can be frustrating and confusing, as you can imagine.

Another reason it’s worse is, one way we as humans overcome things is by talking it out with people.  Girls are good at this because they often have a handful of people that they can text, call, message, etc and it would be normal.  Guys work differently and I think people assume that guys either don’t fight/get upset or that they just shouldn’t.  This can be hard because without this outlet, we have to keep it in and overcome it single handily.

Guys do a really good job just going with the flow and acting normal but this can be really confusing, even though we’re told not to really think that personal.  I guess in the end we should be glad that we’re socialized differently, what a boring world this would be if we weren’t?

If God Never Gives up on Us, Should We Give up on Others?

I’ve been contemplating this concept for a while now and although I’ve fought my conclusion countless times, I still believe I’ve reached one worthy of sharing.  As Christians, we fail constantly and we quickly become filled with guilt and want nothing more but forgiveness.  We know God forgives us freely, even in the sinful act, so how can we not grant that same mercy to others?  Forgiving others can be difficult, particularly when it isn’t the first time, but it can be even harder to let them back into our lives as God does for us.

Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

I’ve been trying to forgive a certain friend for a while now and I’ve gone back and forth on my decision.  Every time I ask God for his forgiveness, I remember that he too is counting on me to forgive as he does us.  When God forgives us, he forgets the wrongs and we are purely clean.  No lie, sexual act, cheat, or abandonment is ever held up against us in the eyes of God.

After I thought more about this I realized that it’s essential that I, too, forgive others in this manner.  God has a plan and I’d be wrong to stop that from happening – sin is forgiven to be forgotten.  We all mess up at times and think about how much better of a place the world would be should we all forgive and forget.  We spend enough time basking in our own guilt, we don’t need that to be held against us by our friends or others around us.  Learning to truly forgive others as God forgives us not only sets others free but ourselves as well.

It Doesn’t Have to be Awkward

Whether you’re the girl, the guy, interested in a relationship, or just plain ignorant, hanging out with someone of the opposite gender can be complicated.  Even with line is clearly drawn in the relationship, it’s hard to ever be one hundred percent sure as to what your partner, or, friend, is feeling.  During the teen years, for the most part, guys and girls are told they shouldn’t be friends.  Guys and girls some how have this big idea that if you’re going to have any type of relationship, you have to be dating.  Not being any further from the truth, this misconception can lead to some confusing times when just trying to hang out with a friend or, if you’re in the other position, trying to get into a more serious or intimate relationship.

No matter which side of the field you’re playing, it’s important to make clear what your intentions are.  If you’re the one looking for a relationship, make that obvious because the fact of the matter is, if they’re interested as well, this will only speed up and make the process simpler for the both of you.  Should you be the one that just wants to be friends and hang out, make sure you do your best to get that point across.  Maybe inviting another friend over to join y’all would be a good idea.

If you look at the situation logically, each person has their own ideas cooking up in their head as to how they want the day to go or what they ultimately want out of the relationship.  No one is in the wrong and if you’re friends, there won’t be any hard feelings – what’s the worst that can happen?  Hang out, relax, watch a movie or just hit the park.  Be yourself and don’t stress so much about what the other one is thinking.  Everything will work out just fine.

Probability of Good Looks or Attractivity

You know what I got to thinking about the other day?  Okay, so I’m sure we’d all agree there are naturally good looking people, those who go through surgery and or a lot of make up for beauty, and those that work out for the perfect body.  No matter what you do, unless born with it, there is no way to get a naturally good looking face so, I’m here to ask.. what are the odds of this?  When born, why does one come out either attractive, or just messed up.  Why is the skin tone how it is, the eyes where they are, and the nose that particular shape and size?  Sure, genes have to do with it but let’s face it – no matter how much you look like your parents, there must be some sort of randomly generated attributes about yourself.  No two people are exactly the same so – what are the odds?  One brother could be societies gem while the other sits behind closed doors afraid to come out.  If a scale was generated for looks, what would the probabilities be?  If you had to say, what do you think the probability of good , average, or  bad looks be?  On top of that, think about this: do you think it’s more, less, or just as rare to be ugly as opposed to beautiful.

I’ve Got My Eyes On You

I believe everybody, particularly if you’ve been closely involved in a youth or other church group, has that person or two they look up to and aspire to learn from.  Tell me if it’s just me but I think our brains are programmed towards this ‘Love at First Sight’ ordeal.  Do you believe in love at first sight?  I personally don’t but I do think when we see the right friend or significant other it clicks.  You don’t fall in love or become best friends with someone overnight, but we have our sight set and begin drawing ourselves in, opening the door.

Like any other relationship, friendships take trust and humiliation.  When the buzzer goes off we just know that it’s the right person.  We then spend so much time wondering if they also want to be friends with us and we stress over whether of not we should open up to them.

I typically sit around and wait for them to open up to me, being ignorant to the fact that that’s not the way it works.  I’ve learned that sometimes you have to be the first one to throw yourself out there.  Some people may be scared of commitments and this can make it difficult to open up and share with one another because it’s such a strong two way road.  Although not always successful, you can be sure to grow yourself as well as possibly with someone else in the long run.

On the other side of things I’ve also realized that just as we keep our eyes on others, it works the same way back at us.  I’ve learned to always keep my eyes open as there may be others out there willing to open up to me and confide with.  Accountability is such a strong force it can not be matched.  Basically what I’m trying to say is keep your eyes open, open up to others, and be willing to be used in turn for others.

When love tears you apart.

You’ve been trying to help your friend out of a pit that they have been stuck in but they’ve become resistant.  They can’t see the trouble they’ve gotten themselves and others into and don’t know what’s best for them.  You either have to make it clear that you don’t agree with their decisions, and possibly loose them, or back off and let them learn by themselves.  What do you do?  This is how I learned that if you love something, you really do have to let it go.

Step back a couple months and I’ve got the perfect little life.  I have a job,  car, better friends than I could ask for, and a bright positive future that’s about to be altered more than I had maybe imagined.  The thought of college was beautiful but I didn’t realize all the things that would happen leading up to the move.  I love college, don’t get me wrong, but the series of events was quite… unfortunate.

I had lost friends throughout my path of eighteen years but had yet to loose someone that was once so close to me.  Our friendship didn’t last over half a year but it’s crazy how much you can learn about and grow with somebody.  When faced with the decision to either help or let be, I chose to help – or so I thought.

It’s crazy how different looking from the outside in things can be.  I could see the problem, it needed to be fixed, and I tried to help only to be chewed up and spit out.  One might say you should mind your own business but is this how we should behave toward friends?  Should we watch them fall regardless of what they tripped on or should we stand up and carry them through it.

Long story short, and also painful, I’ve learned that above all it’s important to do what is right.  It’s important to stand up to your friends and tell them what you really want to say.  You shouldn’t hold back, or let loose as that just leaves room for wrong.  I’ve seen friendships fall apart and relationships crumble.  Standing beside the pile of ashes I see the bigger picture.  There’s no resurrection here, no gluing the picture back together, but there is love; love with no bounds nor mercy.  If you truly love something, you’d rather let it go than stand and watch.